The Treasure of Lost Love
Back in 2000, a group of girlfriends and I were revisiting our past and talking about childhood loves. As we sat there reminiscing about these boys, I noticed the bright smiles and the way their eyes lit up. Some of us had given our virginity to these guys while others loves were completely innocent....well maybe not completely, but the big V was still in tact. The common factor was that these young men loved us all shamelessly. They were proud to have us as their girl, they were kind, gentle, appreciative. They went out of their way to show us how much we meant to them.
All of us were married to different men than those of our early years and it was a bittersweet moment as many of us realized that tender love of yesteryear was unrealized in our current situation. We weren't even sure if it was possible.
One of my girlfriends in particular was in a love-less marriage. She was with a man who not only didn't appreciate her, but was emotionally abusive. A user of women in general, he showed neither discretion nor concern towards my friend.
A religious woman, she had spent many years on her knees praying for change. I was so taken aback by the shear joy in her face when she talked about her first love, I wanted to know more. Later we shared more details one on one, and I realized she was still in love with this person.
This was heavy in my heart for days, even weeks. As if an angel flew from heaven and spoke clearly to me, I was certain they would be together again. When I told my friend of this revelation she laughed. Many many years had passed. She knew where her first love was, ran into mutual child hood friends occasionally, knew he was not healthy. She was married, he had a significant woman in his life. She made sure whenever she visited her home town that their paths would not cross. Yet, I somehow knew her heart was longing for him and his for her.
Over the years, I watched as prayer for change, turned in to condemnation. It was as if my friend felt that she was being punished for disobedience and rebellion as an adolescent. Her abusive relationship was her penance. I rejected that notion and soon offered that she might want to pray for faith to let go and move on with her life. No one was holding her where she was,(in her marriage) especially not God. Love does endure all things, but without love, God is not in the midst. Her husband did not love her, probably never did and if I had my information right, she never truly loved him either.
So we prayed together. My marriage has its own set of issues, most of them do. And a little over a year ago, circumstances beyond her control began to move things in a different direction. Before I knew it, she was divorced. Hooray! Praise the Lord! .....and what do you know, instead of avoiding running in to her first love on a trip back to her home town, she allowed herself to check in on him.
A year later I am profoundly delighted to say she is now married and happier than I have ever known her to be! The love she has adorned on her new husband, her first love, has dramatically improved his health. They are like kids again!
According to research, 3/4 of couples reunited with early life loves, stay together. Less than 2% of those that marry end in divorce. Comparably, second marriages to new lovers almost always end in divorce within 5 years.
So what is it about these early lost loves? I believe when we first experience love, it is with that person who sees you for your true self. You meet during a period of your life when you have not yet become blemished with the cares of the world, yet your core values have been formed. Your values and lifestyle are already known to each other and you are either drawn together because of them, whether it be through school, church or the neighborhood you live in - or you esteem to have the values and lifestyle that you see the other possesses.
In previous generations, like mine, material things like what kind of car you drove and how large of a home you lived in were less important. So, we were able to like a person for their humor, or intellect or athletic prowess or even as simple as their great smile.
If you happened to not have such great parents, your neighbors parented you and young people had the chance to get to know each other without judgment. All of these elements offered the ability to form true intimate relationships. The kind of the heart. When your hearts connect,that is a very powerful thing. I can't help but to also mention that the early physical attraction and chemistry of puberty, usually draws you to a real sexual match as well. So everything clicks.
There is no pretense. Nothing is forced. There are no hidden agendas. Amazingly, when people do reunite after many years, they don't see the lines starting to form in the face, or the weight gain or the hair loss. They just see that friend that was there during a time in their life when things were getting a little scary. No longer a little child but not quite a grown up. Too tall or too skinny, acne or one huge pimple right on the center of our nose, chubby or short, too slow for the track team, or clumsy for football, not popular enough for cheer-leading. Our heads were too big for our small frame or our nose was too big for our small head or our ears just stood out too far. All confused and insecure, awkward, finding our way, building our self confidence, knowing who we are but trying to figure out what we want to be.....and they liked us anyway.
What a treasure.
Warning, before you go looking....you must be available and make sure he/she is available too before you contact. The worse thing is to find that treasure again only to have to leave it in the bottom of the sea because you know it doesn't belong to you.
For Mrs. Allen....good for you girl....good for you!
That's melavision. What's yours?
Back in 2000, a group of girlfriends and I were revisiting our past and talking about childhood loves. As we sat there reminiscing about these boys, I noticed the bright smiles and the way their eyes lit up. Some of us had given our virginity to these guys while others loves were completely innocent....well maybe not completely, but the big V was still in tact. The common factor was that these young men loved us all shamelessly. They were proud to have us as their girl, they were kind, gentle, appreciative. They went out of their way to show us how much we meant to them.
All of us were married to different men than those of our early years and it was a bittersweet moment as many of us realized that tender love of yesteryear was unrealized in our current situation. We weren't even sure if it was possible.
One of my girlfriends in particular was in a love-less marriage. She was with a man who not only didn't appreciate her, but was emotionally abusive. A user of women in general, he showed neither discretion nor concern towards my friend.
A religious woman, she had spent many years on her knees praying for change. I was so taken aback by the shear joy in her face when she talked about her first love, I wanted to know more. Later we shared more details one on one, and I realized she was still in love with this person.
This was heavy in my heart for days, even weeks. As if an angel flew from heaven and spoke clearly to me, I was certain they would be together again. When I told my friend of this revelation she laughed. Many many years had passed. She knew where her first love was, ran into mutual child hood friends occasionally, knew he was not healthy. She was married, he had a significant woman in his life. She made sure whenever she visited her home town that their paths would not cross. Yet, I somehow knew her heart was longing for him and his for her.
Over the years, I watched as prayer for change, turned in to condemnation. It was as if my friend felt that she was being punished for disobedience and rebellion as an adolescent. Her abusive relationship was her penance. I rejected that notion and soon offered that she might want to pray for faith to let go and move on with her life. No one was holding her where she was,(in her marriage) especially not God. Love does endure all things, but without love, God is not in the midst. Her husband did not love her, probably never did and if I had my information right, she never truly loved him either.
So we prayed together. My marriage has its own set of issues, most of them do. And a little over a year ago, circumstances beyond her control began to move things in a different direction. Before I knew it, she was divorced. Hooray! Praise the Lord! .....and what do you know, instead of avoiding running in to her first love on a trip back to her home town, she allowed herself to check in on him.
A year later I am profoundly delighted to say she is now married and happier than I have ever known her to be! The love she has adorned on her new husband, her first love, has dramatically improved his health. They are like kids again!
According to research, 3/4 of couples reunited with early life loves, stay together. Less than 2% of those that marry end in divorce. Comparably, second marriages to new lovers almost always end in divorce within 5 years.
So what is it about these early lost loves? I believe when we first experience love, it is with that person who sees you for your true self. You meet during a period of your life when you have not yet become blemished with the cares of the world, yet your core values have been formed. Your values and lifestyle are already known to each other and you are either drawn together because of them, whether it be through school, church or the neighborhood you live in - or you esteem to have the values and lifestyle that you see the other possesses.
In previous generations, like mine, material things like what kind of car you drove and how large of a home you lived in were less important. So, we were able to like a person for their humor, or intellect or athletic prowess or even as simple as their great smile.
If you happened to not have such great parents, your neighbors parented you and young people had the chance to get to know each other without judgment. All of these elements offered the ability to form true intimate relationships. The kind of the heart. When your hearts connect,that is a very powerful thing. I can't help but to also mention that the early physical attraction and chemistry of puberty, usually draws you to a real sexual match as well. So everything clicks.
There is no pretense. Nothing is forced. There are no hidden agendas. Amazingly, when people do reunite after many years, they don't see the lines starting to form in the face, or the weight gain or the hair loss. They just see that friend that was there during a time in their life when things were getting a little scary. No longer a little child but not quite a grown up. Too tall or too skinny, acne or one huge pimple right on the center of our nose, chubby or short, too slow for the track team, or clumsy for football, not popular enough for cheer-leading. Our heads were too big for our small frame or our nose was too big for our small head or our ears just stood out too far. All confused and insecure, awkward, finding our way, building our self confidence, knowing who we are but trying to figure out what we want to be.....and they liked us anyway.
What a treasure.
Warning, before you go looking....you must be available and make sure he/she is available too before you contact. The worse thing is to find that treasure again only to have to leave it in the bottom of the sea because you know it doesn't belong to you.
For Mrs. Allen....good for you girl....good for you!
That's melavision. What's yours?
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