Is this for reel?

It seems like everyone in Hollywood is breaking up these days. Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, Britney and K-Fed, Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe, Hillary Swank and Chad Lowe just to name a few. Still others are fallling head over heals in love. Make a movie and a few love scenes later people are hooking up off the set. Brad and Angelina, Jennifer and Vince, Michele and Heath. Some even get their child hood dream, Rick Fox had a crush on Vanessa Williams when he was in college, and let's not even talk about the twighlight zone- ish, media blitzed love affair and recent marriage of Tom Cruise and poor Katie Holmes.

Even the average Jane and Joe are so caught up in the romance and glamour of Hollywood FICTION that long lasting relationships and certainly marriage are taking a huge hit. It seems we all, celebrities and the rest of us, have gotten lost in the stories that were created to entertain us. Sadly we are left disillusioned, broken hearted and ever searching for the unattainable. Below is an excerpt of a book I am writing exploring it all. If you would like to read more, please sign up for an account and post your message.

"Some Day My Prince Will Come"

Think back, for as long as you can remember, somebody has been filling your head with fantasies. Indoctrinating generation upon generation with delusion, false expectations. Setting you up for disappointment and failure.

Picture this. A young woman, standing in a field of flowers, the wind blowing in her hair, her dreads, her braids, whatever. She lifts her face to the bright blue sky, stretches her neck, closes her eyes against the piercing rays of sun and begins to dream. She is thinking about the tall dark man she's been secretly longing for for months. Her white cotton dress brushes against her thighs as she slowly turns circles in the field. She opens her eyes and there he is, watching her from afar. Their eyes lock and then they begin to run, faster and faster until they are entwined in a passionate embrace.

Another young woman, tied down to the railroad tracks. The train is quickly approaching. Shrilling screams burst from her throat. Her death is imminent. Suddenly, a swathing young man comes to the rescue and frees her just in the nick of time. He saved her life and she will love him forever.

Yet another woman struts across the stage, her young taut frame glistening with fragrant oil, body glitter flickering under the strobe light. She twists and shakes, grinds and thrusts her pelvic to the sensuous beat of the music. There are songs written about her. She has a special customer who comes to see her often. A professional athelete. He slips one hundred dollar bills into her g-string and asks for her number. He tells her that she is too special for this line of work and he takes her to dinner, the movies, the hippest parties. She has a reserved seat at his games. He asks her to marry him. She is beautiful and fits well with the rest of his trophies. She moves in to his 3.2 million dollar home twenty miles away from the arena and they live in wedded bliss.

And then still another, dressed to the nines in her Dolce & Gabbana wool suit and Manolo Blahnik shoes, Vera Wang splashed in all the right places. She comands attention when she enters a room. She has paid her dues and is a woman to be reckoned with. Long hours in the office, frequent travel, pilates, yoga and spin class have given her the perfect job, perfect body and left her perfectly lonely. Then one evening after a session at a corporate conference he is there. They exchanged business cards earlier in the day. Two cosmos, two condoms and two days later she is in love.

Cut.

All of this is bullcrap! There are no princes coming to rescue you. There is no tall dark handsome man standing by waiting to fall in love with you. These are stories, fairytales, blockbuster movies, not real life.

Dreams are good. They motivate, inspire and elevate us to new levels of being. Fantasies however are for the silver screen. They are meant for temporal pleasure and escape. Some are even dangerous, detrimental to your health and well being.

Take a moment to think about it. Could one of these women be you? All of them have unique and wonderful qualities, I'm sure. Instead of wanting and waiting they could be living each day to its fullest potential. Volunteering at a local shelter, feeding the hungry, answering phones at a crisis center. They could be reading to a child, laughing with a grandmother, having dinner with dad, or shopping with mom. Perhaps they could be babysitting for a brother and his wife, sharing a bottle of wine with a cherished friend.

You are not half of a person. Nobody completes you. Our goal is becoming whole within. Accepting the love of the Creator, honoring our bodies, developing our minds. Knowing our truth and our love is found in the richness of our families, the common struggle for good, being a blessing to others and centered in our individual spiritual faith.

If you still need to be rescued by a prince, might I suggest;

John 4:14

Jesus answered," but whosoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up..."

Beating the Holiday Blues
Well it is that time of year again when we all start preparing for our big turkey dinner and gift wrapping. The holiday season with its scrumptious food and tokens of love brings out the best in many of us, but for millions it is a time of excrutiating sadness. What factors cause this sadness and what can we do about it?

Unrealistic Expectations
Our quest for the perfect holidays often leaves us feeling cheated.
I have the fondest of holiday memories as a child. There was more than enough food, family came from near and far to share in good eating, singing and sharing of our history and current events.

At Christmas time there was a bounty of gifts surrounding the tree. Our home was trimmed inside with my mothers special touch. My brothers made certain the lights were strung across the front porch to shine through the night. It was the Christmases of Norman Rockwell and The Andy Griffith Show and The Brady Bunch. The Jeffersons were movin on up.

I imagine many people have fond child hood memories of Thanksgiving and Christmas much like my own. Cherished memories we wish we could recreate. We want the perfect gifts to give, the perfect food to serve, host the perfect party, be invited to the party with the in crowd. We want to splurge on our children and receive a gift from our significant other that says "I really love you."- and we want that person to read our mind and know exactly what that gift is! We expect our holiday to be just like the ones of those cherished past times or better! So we set ourselves up for disappointment.

Over Commercialization
The past is the past. People are busier. The simplicity that was is no longer. Thanksgiving is more of a blip on the calendar than a day of gratefulness, just the pre-emption for the Big Day, no not Christmas, black Friday. The shoppers holiday.

You are expected to have the best lights on your shrubs and your house. Fake snow in a globe, a dancing Santa. You need a designer Christmas tree that matches the fabric of your furniture. You have to make an appointment for your child to take a photo with Santa at an exclusive shopping mall. Your kid can't take a picture with any old Santa. If your black you better get one with Kente Santa too and tell your kid he's the real one!

It's a race to wait in long lines to get that toy every child wants. If you are a good parent you may have ordered ahead of time or slipped the clerk a $50 dollar bill to make sure he sits one aside just for you.

Nobody says Merry Christmas its not politically correct. There are more SpongeBob, TinkerBell, and Disney/Pixar dolls and paraphernalia on the shelves than nativity figurines. There are even upside down Christmas trees because it looks cool that way. Says who? Bells dangle from womens ears and necks and wrists and dogs are dressed up like reindeer. People get the hook up at the toy store paying cents on the dollar, or slip that clerk at the sneaker store a bigger buck and get your Jordans for free. Womens purses get snatched, cars and homes are burglarized so that some lost soul can give your gifts to their family.

Does anybody even remember this guy named Jesus? Pretty sad.

The Loss of a Love & Loneliness
While all of this is going on there are people whose hearts are broken. People who are dreading the holiday season. People who are reminded of a deceased loved one, people who are alone. Broken marriages, and loveless marriages. Children who have gone astray. Someone just got dumped. Folks without friendships.

Financial Burden & Stress
Feeling obligated to give gifts to your boss, your co-workers, your childs teacher, the babysitter, the post man, your manicurist and hairstylist as well as your immediate and extended family causes many to over extend themselves financially. Instead of starting the new year out with a positive perspective, worry over the incoming credit card bills or depletion of your cash funds can cause major stress. Many people will experience insomnia, extreme irritability, over eating and weight gain. Some will even abuse alcohol and drugs to cope.

So what should we do?
Holiday depression is real. Those people who already suffer from mild to severe depression may become worse. Many who are well throughout most of the year will only experience this overwhelming sadness during the holiday season. If you are suffering, try these tips to turn things around:

• Don't get caught up in the hype. Define what the holidays mean to you and plan your activities accordingly. Limit your expectations for those activities and don't over extend yourself.
• Don't get lost in re evaluating your life and past mistakes. Do live in the present. Think about all the things that are going right in your life. Make lists of your blessings and tell those who have been a blessing to you over the past year.
• Volunteer. Feed the homeless or go sing caroles to seniors in nursing homes or assisted living centers. Help centers decorate. Read a holiday favorite book to your childs class. Sit in for a teacher during lunch and let her/him have some free time.
• Start a new family tradition. Create your own tree decorations, or visit a shelter for the homeless or battered. Visit veterans or children in the hospital. Play Secret Santa with simple dollar store gifts to your neighbors or a lower income neighborhood. Leave the gifts on the front step or the porch on Christmas Eve, or better yet knock on the door and introduce yourself.
• Take a holiday vacation. Make new memories by getting away to do something different over the holiday season. Go to a beach, ski, rent a cabin. Visit some of the cities recovering from Katrina and spend your money their to help rebuild their communities, or as a family lend a helping hand.
• Make a holiday food basket for a needy family or take them grocery shopping.
• Look up a long lost friend or relative and reconnect.
• Take out old photos of those who have passed away and share your favorite stories with other family members.
• Avoid excessive drinking and eating which will only increase your depression and make you feel sluggish.
• Participate or attend a spiritual program of your faith.
• Make time for yourself.
• Look forward to your future. Make an effort to think optimistically about the coming year.

If you don't suffer from the holiday blues and you know someone who is, take the time to reach out to them and be supportive.

That's melavision. What's yours?

Hip Hop Awards and the Untimely Death of a Beloved Balladeer


The dichotomy of life and death, love and pain, joy and sorrow have been unusually clear this week. With the mid term elections and the resounding cry from Americans against the fiasco in Iraq, the message was certain that we want peace over war. We want resolutions over confrontations. We want a kinder, gentler, embraceable and admirable America.

How ironic is it then, that African Americans celebrating the $4 billion dollar hip hop industry this weekend here in Atlanta, would lose one of our most lovable singers of the past two decades. Gerald Levert. Hip Hop with its glam and bling and celebration of all things material is the truest example of our nation's and indeed the world's obsession with fame and riches. Celebrities have become gods.

No surprise that at the same time we have a presidential administration that disrespects the will of the people; domestic and international, Americans are idolizing the misogynistic exploitation of young females, especially those of color, while also applauding the disrespect that rappers spit at one another. Never before in this writers life has the lack of respect for other human beings been so in vogue.

I guess you could compare the current hip hop phenomenon with Hollywood's ever lasting infatuation with mobsters. From the great western movies as early as 1903, to the Al Capone and gangster movies of the 50's, the 1983 cult favorite(and a favorite to hip hop artists) Scarface, to the recent HBO hit Sopranos, the American entertainment industry craves villains. But never before has our infatuation had such a broad audience.

Eighty percent of hip hop records are purchased by white people, 2 out of every 10 records purchased in America are hip hop. Asian nations, New Zealand, Israel, Europe and Latin America have all been infused with the fashion stylings and rhythmic mastery of America's hip hop artists and urban culture. Nothing has ever melded the races before like this. Rock and roll cannot even compare. But what are we saying to each other and the rest of the world?

Gerald Levert sang about love. Everything love. How much he wanted, needed and adored women and his woman. He sang about his love for his father and family. Gerald was one of the last of the R&B legends who held their black women in high esteem and regarded them as their queens. Honorable and worthy of monogamy. Blessed to have them as the mothers of their children. Happy and yes proud to raise their family and meet and beat the struggles together.

He was scheduled to appear with Wanda Smith of W-VEE radio station V103FM here in Atlanta next week. We women were excited that Gerald was coming to town. He was someone we could look up to as one of our great black men. He reminded us of how special we are, how lovable we are and he kept our hope alive for meaningful, fulfilling relationships. Women who grew up learning about love and family, listening to other legends like Luther and Marvin Gaye , the Commodores and the Whispers and Gerald's daddy Eddie with the Ojays. Holding on to a time when love meant something. God was God, not our celebrities and they balanced their craft with their spirituality.

I hope that as the fans and the stars converge this weekend, this bold and passionate example of a man is remembered and pondered. I hope as the radio stations, even the hip hop ones, play tribute to Gerald, the fans and the stars take time to listen to his lyrics. I hope that Gerald's raw and unforgiving love expressed in that deep baritone voice penetrates the hardness that has settled in too many young hearts.

I like many 40 somethings do listen occasionally to hip hop and enjoy the beats, finding it easy to dance to and swiftly get caught up in the energy of the music. Still, I find most of the lyrics offensive. Much of it lacks originality or critical thinking, repeatedly ranting about cars and money and women and not much more. Hip Hop from its inception talked about style and prestige but it also had a social message. Whether it was about break dancing competitions in the street, to the plight of urban living, it was more about expression than possession.

Now it seems most of what it's about is possession, things and people. Women are regarded as possessions less revered than the diamond jewelry the artists wear. Though we all know the cars, the money and the fame is all to attract the very women they later exploit. As if there isn't enough money to go around, beef between artists often leads to the death of a rival performer or one of his crew. To have legitimacy in the industry you have to have street credibility. If you never sold drugs, or pimped women, or jacked cars or either shot someone or got shot, you aren't the real deal.

I would advise these performers to take a look in the history books and especially view the film Ethnic Notions, http://www.newsreel.org/nav/title.asp?tc=CN0026

This documentary explores the stereotypes that have been propagated through white America for years, even centuries. Whether by purpose or omission these stereotypes are everywhere in the hip hop videos. The savage brutes that were used in newspapers and posters to terrify white women and men alike have the same faces and demeanor of our scowling black men on the tv screen today. Wide eyed pickaninnies, sambos and minstrel men look a lot like what's being produced in the modern day videos. Black women are still portrayed as either mammies with children in tow, or as some kind of exotic sex animal unable to control her own lusts and desires. What is sad that even now with some of our own black men becoming the music moguls and taking over the powerful roles of white men in the industry, these stereotypes keep rolling in, video after video. The psycho and sociological effects of years of being told who you are and starting to believe it.

There are some bright examples of hope though. I see more collaborative efforts than rivalries. I am noticing that some artists are taking the lead of rap legend LL Cool J and adding some rhymes about love and what it is to love their woman. I notice that some women are being portrayed as sexy and beautiful with most of their clothes on! Rappers sagging and ill fitting jeans and t's are slowly being replaced with tailored suits and smart casual clothing. Some of the rap community are developing foundations and programs in their home cities and across the nation to provide opportunities to inner city children and even some of the poorest countries in the world. And still others are finding God the creator and opening their minds to a new and different kind of hip hop. A hip hop that celebrates the best about our culture and our people.

Now hip hop has the power to influence the way the world thinks and behaves. It is already evident. What a mighty work they could do. What a change they could inspire so that a new dichotomy might arise and hip hop would be the better of the two.

God Bless you Gerald Levert and may heaven hold you as dear as all of your fans and loved ones have.

In loving memory.

That's Melavision. What's yours?

To Vote or Not To Vote....Not Even a Question

Are you indifferent today?

Election day, what an evolution this idea has taken. From the first presidential election in 1789 when George Washington ran for the office basically unchallenged and our first Congress was comprised of the Senate and House of Representatives and the idiotic electoral college was introduced(might of made some sense back then, but certainly does not now), to the 19th Amendment giving Women the Right to Vote, to the Voting Rights act of 1965 which many black and white citizens suffered dearly to push through, up to the current moment, our torrid affair with democracy has left many of us indifferent.

We have however, no right to be indifferent or apathetic to the plight of the survivors of Katrina and indeed not to those lives who were lost. We have no right to be apathetic to the soldiers dying needlessly in Iraq to secure an elite group of mens outrageous fortune. I do not diminish the great humanitarian works our soldiers have done while there, or the individual and collective courage and valor to represent our country and fight even if they do not believe in the cause. Can anyone say Osama? It is this writers opinion that they never should have been sent there in the first place. A cousin of a serviceman who has survived at least two tours of duty, I pray for and hold in high esteem, each and every one of our service members. Indifferent, can't be.

Indifference is not acceptable for the thousands of Americans suffering from dibilitating diseases that want the right to hope for a future with cures for many of our most devestating maladies. I am not a proponent for stem cell research on fetuses, but I am also not a proponent for the hypocrisy of throwing tiny lives in to the garbage to say we are not tampering with unborn children and Gods will. Most of what we do in America today is tampering with fundamental beliefs and we have legislated to do so. Our relationship with the Divine Power, God, Jehova, Jesus, the Creator, is an individual right and responsibility and it is a delicate matter. The proposition of governing morals and upholding our country's religious freedom takes wisdom and compassion that the current administration does not illustrate. Indifferent. Can't be.

As a middle class income American, watching the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, and the middle get screwed, I cannot be indifferent. As a person of color(my heritage is African, Native American, Irish and Dutch) I cannot afford to be indifferent. Too many people who came before me paid for my right to be different, loud, heard, seen and reckoned with. They paid for you too.

I mourned our last two presidential elections. I felt duped, bamboozled, cheated, raped. The last election took me some few weeks to recover. I stood in the lines. I listened to the voters. We chatted among each other and there was a consensus that change was needed. I lived in a primarily Republican district and yet still I heard echos of change. But when the vote was over, the same folks were in office.

There are things about George W. that I admire. He is bold and stubborn, and he loves his family. He is courageous, yes courageous because he goes against the masses even if it costs his popularity. He has used his opportunities to be the best he can be. Something every American aspires to do - use our opportunities(given any) and strive to be the best we personally can be. But do I want this guy for my president? No way. And I want all of his buddies in Congress to go too.

The introduction of the Diebold voting machine leaves many of us to ponder, Is voting trust worthy? Do our votes even matter? With voting machine sales showing only 6% of Diebolds company profits for 2005, you have to wonder why the safe and atm maker is in the business of voting. In the 2004 presidential election CEO Walden O'Dell openly raised money for George W. Bush. Should a financial supporter be able to provide the mechanism for counting the votes? I don't think so. Even though O'Dell is no longer the CEO for Diebold, numerous studies have shown that this electronic method of voting is suspect.

Just this past September, Princeton University provided a paper explaining how the machines could be used to steal vote data or change votes. Resources claim in the last several elections since 2004, that memory cards(computer chip that records the votes) were missing from many ballot boxes and were never accounted for.

Diebold isn't the only maker of electronic voting devices, and certainly there are security concerns with all of them. Poorly trained poll workers and computer technicians easy access to the machines also compromises the vote. A John Hopkins study was sent to the National Institute of Standards and Technology to question whether the current security standards for the voting machines are tough enough.

With all this hoopla surrounding the machines and 37 states utilizing them, should we be indifferent and retreat? Forget about voting because "they" are just going to steal the elections anyway? No!

We MUST exercise our right to vote. Only then can we investigate and fight for truth. Voting gives us a voice. The right to demand and stand up, and organize and revolt. Only when we know that we have done our part and that something truly is awry can we cry out and declare that the United States is not an empire run by a dictator! The next great evolution in our affair with democracy awaits us all.

Go. Do it. Vote!

That's melavision. What's yours?

Travel Tips for the Ghetto Unfabulous

Sistahs, sistahs, sistahs and brothers you too, now that we make up a new percentage of the travelers across America, 19% domestically and 18% overall, just a few things you might want to think about:

Since I am an avid cruiser, I'll start there. We all know that cruise lines pamper us with personal attention and whet our appetites with a bevy of scrumptious edibles around the clock. What you may not know however, is that the constant availability of food is not so that Pookie and Nay-Nay can double up on pork chops and cheeseburgers, (indeed I have been on one cruise where the kitchen actually ran out of cooked meat due to overzealous eaters) but rather it is to keep your stomach full and settled to lessen your chances of becoming "sea sick".

Hydration and frequent well balanced meals are a key factor in realizing an enjoyable puke - free journey. So my family, even if you can fit 5 chops to a plate DONT! Not only is this unhealthy, it shows your lack of culture, boosts stereotypes, and will undoubtedly add weight to your already fat ass... (from one fat ass to another). Additionally, most of us won't be able to eat it all and just because its there doesn't mean we have the right to waste it. Yeah I'm talking to you.

Many of the cruise lines have dedicated times and table seating for dinner. Dinner dining on a cruise likens to that of a 4 or 5 star restaurant on land. Ladies should wear a flattering dress or slacks and top, like something you would wear to church or a business gathering, not your favorite club out fit, please keep your boobs, your bellies and your buns covered!(true cruise/resort wear is most acceptable - google it if you need help with the look) Gentlemen are encouraged to wear a jacket and slacks, shorts are an absolute no-no and your hip-hop gear is not cruise wear....really its not, unless you are rocking some classic Sean Jean menswear (that's suits Pookie) or if you really want to look like money, may I suggest Ozwald Boateng ready-to-wear collection, no riding your crack please.

You have a permanent dinner reservation for the duration of the cruise. So if you have been assigned early seating say at 6pm, that means 6pm. Keep your watches synchronized with the ships time. If you have reservations for late seating, that usually means about 8pm or so. Late seating does not mean you may arrive to dinner 30 minutes late! Even 15 minutes throws off your professionally trained wait staff. Get the full experience of treating yourself well on your vacation by cooperating with the social expectations of your crew and fellow diners.

Proper etiquette requires that all persons reserved for the table be seated before anyone's order may be taken. Don't yell at your servers or act new on them by snapping your fingers, rolling your eyes and shifting your neck. Don't demand to be served. The only thing you will succeed at is to show that you are new to travel and unrefined. Get your folks at your table to show up on time! If you want to travel like the big dawgs you should behave like one. And no it ain't a black thang its an ignorant thang. If you know someone is running a bit late, kindly notify your servers. We all know the golden rule to treat others as you would like to be treated. Our history did not start with slaver so you don't have to look down on someone else to feel up. Having someone serve you is a privilege not an opportunity to belittle another human being.

Also, if you are with a large group, do not roam the dining room floor and then wonder why you still haven't been served a beverage when you finally sit down at your table. If the staff are obliged to tell you which fork or knife to use, don't get offended! Just so you know, always start with the flatware closest to you and work your way out with each course served.

Table hopping is also in poor taste. Your servers want to get to know your likes and dislikes and be ready for you when you arrive the next evening. The more you keep your ass in your seat, the better dining experience you will have. If you don't like something, quietly let your server know and they will gladly bring you another selection. For the sake of your fellow diners, don't complain loudly and show your ass. We all learned in kindergarten if you ain't got something nice to say than keep your mouth shut!

And ya'll please, your wait staff is eager to serve you and offer you selection suggestions. If you would like to experience more than one entree, it's no big deal, but don't order the whole damn menu! And yet again if I may remind you, if at all possible don't waste the food!

Like my mom used to say " There are starving children in Africa." And probably some in your neighborhood too, so be the queens and kings you are and leave the gluttony behind.

We do what we do until we know better. Now that ya know......


That's melavision, what's yours?